24.06.2019

It is 6 months know that I'm confessed and 8 months that I started to like him.
Today was ordinary day. I go to the Theatre. And when I entered he was the only one in the room. Gosh , why he has such a pretty smile! You know, he is not so handsome, but, God, when he smiles I just melt. And he smiled. I could see his smile from far across the room.
Like, dude, if you not into me, stop giving me hard time with that smile! Total douchbag😒
Anyways, I tried to close the door, but it was troublesome and I just didn't want to bother myself. Okay, I'm lying. I knew that he would come and close the door... And he did so. Mumbling something "do you haven't door in your home, that you don't know how to close it.?"
He still was smiling.
I said : yeah, we keep our doors open all the time.

So I went to kitchen for water and ask him is there any cold water. He said yes and other stuffs, i did not hear.

So when rehearsal started, he entered the room. Sit faced me, but far away. When others stand up, get little closer to me. But I'm not sure if it is intentionally. He probably wanted to see and record rehearsal. One or two time I catch his gaze but I literally shook it of . Like hell, why I am such a moron🙄
So there was some kid and his shoe robes (I don't know proper word) were untangled. I just get cose to him and tangled his shoe robes. He smiled and raised his shoes too and I just look at him and broke my punchs. Wtf, girl, wtf😭

There was book that highlited. I askad frim him if he did this, he said no. Why? I said if soneone did this, he is very smart. He said then it is me. Again that damn smile.

Dude, I'm freaking 25 years old! Not fifteen! What dud you do to me!

After rehearsal I searched him for helping me get the subway. He helps all the time. I couldn't find him, so I went to kitchen. He was at the balcony. You can see balcony from kitchen window. We waved, did small talk and I ask for him if could help me after finishing what he does and he came in seconds!
I asked could he asist me to McDonald's. We had little small talk. He asked something about my social media account, that he didn't "like". And on the road I said stupid things about how other boy they didn't like ask me grab a beer with him. I don't know if it is seem to me, but it was like he was taken aback a little bit. I wish there was someone who could tell me how was his face, or he really did care? 😂

Anyways, he said he did see him too. I said it is hard to me answersl that guys comments on my photos, because they (co-workers) will make it problem. He said they don't care, they might only stab with words and thats it😂

So when we reach to McDonald's he was heading other direction. I said, isn't McDonald's here? He said, you wanted to go this one? I thought it is other (little far away). So he asisted me ib to McDonald's, I offer him to buy something, he said thank you and rejected.

Now he is posting videos if his niece. I couldn't help but like and comment with gif, because I adore how he likes and takes care of his niece.
I think, he would be perfect father for our baby girl too.

Call me creep, it is okay, but I really see him like a father material.
Yes.
It was really refreshing to write down those feelings. I will write every occasion with him until we get together or my feelings fade away.

Maybe I should keep distance with him. It is just I don't want to discourage him and I really enjoy his company ☹️

Ehh, what should I do...