8.11

Today I snatched at him. First time i cut the tires 😁

Up until now he used me every time when he needed help and I like full, felt very happy to help him. I think, I was thinking "I'm helping him, we have spacial connection now.😍"
No, bitch, he just using you. I'm glad that i understand that.

Because when I needed help, hi didn't help...

Thats means he doesn't care about me.
When you love someone, or at least do care, then you would be eager to help them, right?

But he is not.
Duh, get the point girl, he is not into you!
Move your truck already 😁

But you know what, he eventually will love me.
Actually, he is interested in me right now and will fall for me very soon.

You gonna be crazy about me, boy😏

28.06

İ met him today. We had kind of an argument with my other coworker and in the end, he took my side. And when he walked me to subway, he said "should I paint my beard to your hair color?" ( my hair is violet, btw) I said "yes, we will look like... Sisters😅"

I don't want to him pant his beard to my hair color. But I do know from our previous conversations that he wanted to paint his beard. I wish, he could get that courage and make his dream true. I really do. Because I really care about him.

From now, we will call him Pumpkin for clarification.
My dear Pumpkin

26 June 2019

I miss him. I want to spoke with him, have a little chat and kiss.
Not just regular, romantic kiss. I want to him to kiss me. Spontaneously, wild kiss from anger.
Kiss me, you idiot!

24.06.2019

It is 6 months know that I'm confessed and 8 months that I started to like him.
Today was ordinary day. I go to the Theatre. And when I entered he was the only one in the room. Gosh , why he has such a pretty smile! You know, he is not so handsome, but, God, when he smiles I just melt. And he smiled. I could see his smile from far across the room.
Like, dude, if you not into me, stop giving me hard time with that smile! Total douchbag😒
Anyways, I tried to close the door, but it was troublesome and I just didn't want to bother myself. Okay, I'm lying. I knew that he would come and close the door... And he did so. Mumbling something "do you haven't door in your home, that you don't know how to close it.?"
He still was smiling.
I said : yeah, we keep our doors open all the time.

So I went to kitchen for water and ask him is there any cold water. He said yes and other stuffs, i did not hear.

So when rehearsal started, he entered the room. Sit faced me, but far away. When others stand up, get little closer to me. But I'm not sure if it is intentionally. He probably wanted to see and record rehearsal. One or two time I catch his gaze but I literally shook it of . Like hell, why I am such a moron🙄
So there was some kid and his shoe robes (I don't know proper word) were untangled. I just get cose to him and tangled his shoe robes. He smiled and raised his shoes too and I just look at him and broke my punchs. Wtf, girl, wtf😭

There was book that highlited. I askad frim him if he did this, he said no. Why? I said if soneone did this, he is very smart. He said then it is me. Again that damn smile.

Dude, I'm freaking 25 years old! Not fifteen! What dud you do to me!

After rehearsal I searched him for helping me get the subway. He helps all the time. I couldn't find him, so I went to kitchen. He was at the balcony. You can see balcony from kitchen window. We waved, did small talk and I ask for him if could help me after finishing what he does and he came in seconds!
I asked could he asist me to McDonald's. We had little small talk. He asked something about my social media account, that he didn't "like". And on the road I said stupid things about how other boy they didn't like ask me grab a beer with him. I don't know if it is seem to me, but it was like he was taken aback a little bit. I wish there was someone who could tell me how was his face, or he really did care? 😂

Anyways, he said he did see him too. I said it is hard to me answersl that guys comments on my photos, because they (co-workers) will make it problem. He said they don't care, they might only stab with words and thats it😂

So when we reach to McDonald's he was heading other direction. I said, isn't McDonald's here? He said, you wanted to go this one? I thought it is other (little far away). So he asisted me ib to McDonald's, I offer him to buy something, he said thank you and rejected.

Now he is posting videos if his niece. I couldn't help but like and comment with gif, because I adore how he likes and takes care of his niece.
I think, he would be perfect father for our baby girl too.

Call me creep, it is okay, but I really see him like a father material.
Yes.
It was really refreshing to write down those feelings. I will write every occasion with him until we get together or my feelings fade away.

Maybe I should keep distance with him. It is just I don't want to discourage him and I really enjoy his company ☹️

Ehh, what should I do...

How I confessed

So, he is my co-worker. We had spark or I thought so, I don't know. I really don't. And one day I just told him that I like him.
Yeah, not exactly "one day", more specifically 10th of December. And I didn't "told" him. I just wrote in messenger and block him.
How mature of me...
And now it is 24 July. He still acts like nothing happened. We are not friends, we do not talk much on social media like before, but we still talk. And when we talk, it is still about his or mine memories, dreams and stories - you know, things like you wouldn't tell random person.
Do I love him? Probably. Does he even like me? There is a chance. But what is the problem then? Is it because I'm in wheelchair and he thinks it big responsibility and he can not handle it? Or he is just not interested in me? Aghhh, I really want to know...

23.04.2014 - Etiraz etsəm nə olar?

bu gün bərbad bir kursa gedəcəyimi öyrəndim. bi də bunu mən istəmişdim! Allahım, zəka özürlüyüm rəsmən! evimdə oturub net, asia serialları, girlsgogames, house-the big bang theory takılmak varkən, saçma-salak özürlülərin olduğu yerə getmək... tamam, əvvəl bir xəta edib getdik, hətda ordan sevgili də tapdıq amma(çünki bok vardı!), yenidən getmək nə ablam?! əl məcbur artıq. biraz rəfiqə, biraz Bakı eşqi, biraz da "lan bu evdən bir çıx! mamır tutdun bə!" səbəbi ilə gedəcəyik artıkın. bi də bu iki arada, bir dərədə qaldğını valideynə anlatmaq var ki. yazarkən belə tər basır.imkansız yəni, bildiyin məni əl-bəbək sanırlar. lan böyüdüm, eşşek kadar oldum ben! nərdə... aaa, mendokuse!

ay bir də paltarları hazırla, əşyaların dərdini çək, hər bir yerə gedən də içində başlayan kıpırtıyla uğraş. bi də bu kıpırtı kəpənək-filan deyil, bildiyin cütləşmə vaxtı gəlmiş öküz təpişməsi! ordan bloga-filan girmək də çətin olacaq. bir yandan da orda ukala, özünü bəyənmiş, amma bir yandan da uber seksi olan oğlan tapacağıma ümid edirəm. nə gerizekalı ama! ecchi-ecchi deyə beynim qurumuş rəsmi şəkildə...

nə isə. yenə pozitivlik. və burdan çəkikgözlərə selam ederim! xüsusəndə duz qarına, babyfacəyə və cool saça sahib olanlarına. konichiwa! watashiva Medusa-desu hajimemashite!

    

ps: tam da buna bənzəyirəm. inanmayan menenjit olsun!

22.04.2014-döyüləsi dostlar!

Hi. Mən Medusa. adımdan da bəlli olduğu kimi təhlükəli biriyəm...haha ha ha! lan biraz sonra "unutma beni" izləyəcək ən adi biriyəm iştə. nə kasıyom ki! ha, buralar mənim çöplüyüm xəbərin ola. bitchliyin dibinə vurmaq niyyətim var! nəysə, başlığa geri dönək. çoxumuz dostlarımıza ağız-burun girişmək istəmişik, amma mənimki başqa cür. yəni... "öldürmək" belə xəfif qalır.  görən mən də problem var? bəlkə də uzağı 50 il sonra mikrob yemi olacaq, heç həyatımda 3 il olacağı qaranti belə olmayan birinə çox dəyər yükləyirəm. nə isə nə! yeniyetməlik içimdən hayqırır arkadaş! ya da sevişməliyəm... kiminlə? məncə insanlığın ən böyük problemi bu arkadaş. arkadaş demişkən, o rəfiqəmi biri sksə(mən belə "i"ni yazmayanda sən anlamadın hə? məndə elə təxmin etmişdim)  də, rahatlasa. boring, boring... hər şey sıxıcı arkadaş.  başqa ölkəyə getmək desəm, bu da çox idiotik. yəni indiyə kimi başqa ölkəyə getmək istədiyini deyən hər adam burdan çıxıb getsəydi, o vestern filmlərindəki küçələrində top kimi quru kolların gəzişdiyi boş qəsəbəyə dönərdi bu ölkə. so cool...

 nəysə, pozitiv olaq. hər işi də pozitiv olmağa bağlamaq adətim. sanki plaket verəcəklər!

vay, amma saçmaladım ha... Bunu sona qədər oxuyan insan, sən nə meymənətsiz tipsin lan?! yəni o qədər boş həyatın var? mən olsam buna xərcləyəcəyim vaxta porno izləyərdim. stop! pozitivlik deyirdik!

    

al sənə pozitivlik! o eynəkli bu an mənəm, digəri isə hələ də əsəblərimi oynatmağa davam edən seyrək rəfiqəm...

ciddən, döyüləsi dostlar!